I surround myself with her. I surround myself with Catherine Nguyen. When I look at my state of mind now compared to what it used to be, I know for a fact that I have grown past my age already. I still don't fully understand "love" because as far as I know, love is just another stress ball -- no time for lovin', just cupcaking. But, I know what friendship is. I know I'm not the prettiest, smartest, most popular girl, but I know how I feel, I know who to trust, and I've learned from experiences. There's no need to rant on what I should do, just take action. I know I'll still make stupid mistakes, but for now, I'm in a good position.

You're so inticing.

Sometimes, I get at a loss of words of trying to tell you w'sup. Scratch that, it's not sometimes, it's every time. It's hard to tell you that I have no clue what I am doing and why I enjoy being with you -- all I know is that I like you. It might be a lot, it might be a little -- but it's enough to say that I'll wait up so I can see you. But I'm scared underneath all the smiles that I constantly stay giving you. Underneath those smiles is my crooked face, scared with no courage and no motivation to leave my feelings for you behind. My favorite song tells more about me than you can know. Complicated by Nivea. I know it's a pretty sad song, but that's why it's my favorite song. Actually, it's either Complicated or Weak by SWV. I really wish I can build up the courage to tell you that I'm scared to be taken advantage of, I'm scared to hit rock bottom again, I'm scared that all the nights so far that I've spent up with you -- will be for nothing. Maybe I don't tell you those things because I learned how to keep myself happy without someone else. Or maybe it's because I believe that it won't even happen. But here I am sitting wishing that I had someone all to myself. I'm tired of the fast lane that I've been in for the past six months. For the past six months, I must have got to know three different guys and I spent my time just chilling, relaxing, living it as if I don't care about others, just as long as I get mine. I'm tired of all that. I've lived this way for the past six months because my whole 2009 was spent committed as fuck to someone who never cared to solve anything, someone who lived in the fast lane while in a relationship. This is all so much easier to write out because my thoughts are organized..but when I want to tell you in person, my thoughts are cluttered and everything rushes to the table at the same time. But for you to apologize for kissing me is sort of ridiculous. I neither did not want it, nor did I want it -- it just happens. But there's no reason to apologize..nigga lips..it was..nice, lmfao.
But, thanks for spending the past two nights with me.